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Joke of the Day

"If you throw a party how do you know Mrs. Elephant is in her period? Your mattress is missing and, theirs a quarter on the dresser."

"If you're unattractive, nobody wants to know that you're horny."

"How does a religious extremist convert an atheist into a holy man? They use a machine gun."

"What's the difference between a blimp and a blow job every day? One's a Goodyear, the other's a fucking awesome year!"

"Why do women wear make up and perfume? Because they're ugly and smell bad."

"There are two boats (tankers) about to collide at sea. One is filled with purple paint, the other with red paint. They collide... All the survivors were marooned."

"What do Australians call upside down cake? Cake."

"either my xbox is broken, or it wants to get married and start a family... because it's done playing games with me."

"What do the 2016 Rio Olympics and the 2016 US presidential race have in common? Half of the competitors cheat and the other half aren't qualified."

"Your mother..."