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Joke of the Day
"*Stands guard with scissors and tinsel* Wait, you said ""wrap battle"", right?"
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"The proper skirt length is at least 2 inches below your cellulite."
"My daughter just said, ""Daddy, you're good looking & not fat like other dads."" She's only 10, but we're headed to the BMW dealership now."
"So, I found my first gray pubic hair the other day. I was way more excited about it than the other people on the elevator."
"What do you get when you cross a blue eye and a brown eye? Pink eye"
"9/11 gave rise to ""Truthers"", Obama gave rise to ""Birthers"", so... ... would a movement to determine whether Hillary Clinton actually carries hot sauce in her purse be called ""Saucers""?"
"*Pays $450 for ticket to hockey game. *spends the whole game on iPhone."
"Who's your favorite comedian? Friend: who's your favorite comedian Me:Donald Trump Friend:why? Me:Everybody knows Donald trump is a joke"
"Oh, I can't check my disobedient child with the rest of my luggage? You're saying I have to carry-on my wayward son?"
"What has Margaret Thatcher and Jimmy Saville got in common? They both fucked minors"