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Joke of the Day
"You're only as good as your last tweet."
Next Joke
"I've spent the last 2 years looking for my ex girlfriends killer. But no one will do it"
"Edgar Allan Poe Because Edgar Allan Got No Job"
"I feel bad I punched that guy, but he shouldn't get so close to my punching bag. I should stop leaving my punching bag by my office door."
"Knock knock. Who's there? Beats. Beats who? Beats me."
"*around a fire* There used to be no iMessage *kids gasp* ""So there were a lot of green messages?"" THEY WERE ALL GREEN MESSAGES *kids scream*"
"When I know I've posted a great tweet, I walk away from my phone in slow motion like I'm Jason Statham walking from an explosion."
"What could be a good name for a really inappropriate French porno? The Princess and the Frog"
"Why did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do an essay."
"Left a plaster cast of my mouth at the bakery so they know exactly how big to bake the cupcakes"