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Joke of the Day
"My favorite part of going out on the weekend is the 95% of it spent checking my phone."
Next Joke
"*dog barks at absolutely everything, every time* Me: SHUT UP *dog barks at burglar, one time* Me: It's like he just knew there was danger"
"If Barry Allen had a restaurant what would it be called? Greased lightning?"
"You remind me of my pinkie toe because I know I'm eventually going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my place."
"""<------------ people who don't want Ellen Pao to go."" --someone who's never getting to the front page"
"Math joke: Why can't you derivate a social scientist? Because they don't have a function"
"A midget fortune-teller who escapes prison Is a small medium at large."
"If I find out who stole my copy of MS office, I'll kill you... You have my Word!"
"How can you instantly blind an Asian person? put a steering wheel in front of them"
"Want to lose 10 pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head."