46991

Joke of the Day

"An Irish guy walks into a bar... A few hours later he goes home and beats his wife into a coma."

"When our solar system was formed, the Sun was in charge... So the planets started a revolution."

"Did you hear the one about the man who ate his baby's feet? He also found out his wife was pregnant."

"Nothing makes me more proud of my son's sense of humor, than when he asks me for help with his algebra homework."

"My boss incinerated that I use words incorrectly, applied that I was stupid & told me to watch my tardiness. I'm not even retarded."

"Did you hear about the shoe factory that was destroyed? They lost 500 souls!"

"I think weed is messing with my memory. I can't remember shit anymore! I think it's because weed is messing with my memory."

"WIFE: please come out of there so we can talk ME: [from cardboard box] i'm sorry come out of where? WIFE: [sigh] please exit the spacecraft"

"I thought I had a brain tumor but then I realized it was all in my head."

"What's the difference between the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Harriet Tubman?! Harriet Tubman was a heroine to the slaves, but the Red Hot Chili Peppers were slaves to heroin."