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Joke of the Day

"Almost arrived at work when my kid asked ""Where're we going?"" Who the hell did I just drop off at school?!"

"I get more excited seeing my luggage on a baggage carousel than I do seeing a person I know."

"The Subjunctive mood is pointless. If I were to create a language, I wouldn't include it."

"What do you call a religious cow in the Middle East? A Moooooslim!!"

"Why do women wear bras anyway? If you need something to hold your boobs, men are here."

"Two Police officers. Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says: ""Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."""

"Hotel beds are often all the proof I need that Satan owns a mattress factory."

"I was nervous leaving my ex in the backyard with my wife. I'll put a patio on them later."

"My friend died doing what he loved most... Heroin."

"On her deathbed my wife said, ""Sweety, I will see you in Heaven."" Since then I have kicked a puppy, stole from 4 shops and set fire to an orphanage.!"