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Joke of the Day

"I went to a cemetery today. The entire time I was there my phone didn't have any service. I must have been in a dead zone."

"Guy in restaurant: Mam, are u ok? Are u choking? Me: *wipes off drool & removes a cherry stem from my mouth that's not tied in a knot*"

"My new years resolution is going well, lost 10 pounds! but that was down the back of my sofa...."

"Who was the stretchiest man in The Bible? Abraham. He tied his ass to a tree and walked up a mountain."

"My new Muslim Girlfriend keeps talking about a blow-job. I don't know whether to get my cock out or to warn London transport.........."

"Donald Trump never seems to answer questions specifically. I guess the questions seem to trump him."

"Did you hear about the dairy farmer who got kicked off his farm for not having any livestock? It was a no cows eviction."

"what is the height of trust? two cannibals in a 69"

"Your mom and a Volkswagon have something in common They're both 40 times dirtier than advertised."

"What could you do if you were on a desert island without food or water? Open your watch: drink from the spring and eat the sand which is (sandwiches) there."