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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between acne and a priest? Acne waits till you're 12 to come on your face."

"ONLY text me in an emergency. Like my car's shooting flames from the trunk, one of my exes dies eventfully, or if someone thinks I'm sexy."

"my favorite perfume is really expensive so I keep buying the same issue of Vogue and rubbing the sample on me"

"We named our beautiful daughter after my mother. Passive Aggressive Psycho turns 22 this year!"

"Statistics show that 73% of people don't have enough fibre in their diets. Ah well, tough shit"

"What do Fall Out Boy say after titty-fucking their girlfriends? THANKS FOR THE MAMMARIES!"

"A cat walked in to a cobblers.. ..SHOE!"

"""Latte"" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee."

"It seems to be true, particularly in middle America, that those most militant about using up fossil fuels, don't actually believe in fossils"

"You're following a man who once stole someone's garbage can lid and used it as an umbrella. That's on you."