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Joke of the Day

"Everyone always talks about how great Jesus was... ...because he fed 5000 people with a couple fish and five loaves of bread. But no one ever talks about Hitler. He made 6 million Jews toast."

"Why did the man tell his mom to get him out of prison? She had gotten him out of a tight spot before."

"Did you hear about the Mexican carpet salesman? He was sacked for only selling Underlay!"

"Spike from the Land Before Time movies is the best character ever! Literally in the first 30 seconds after hatching he yawns, eats an entire bush, and takes a nap, he's like me on valentines day."

"Who called it a vasectomy and not a cull de sack?"

"I hope the people that monitor my sleep study tonight like watching a man scratch his taint."

"Me: *slides note to bank teller* Bank Teller: So....you're not robbing us, you just want to take a selfie with ""mad cash"" on your face?"

"I bought a girl a drink at the bar. It hurt to see her give it to her boyfriend. But it was hilarious to see him drink the roofie."

"What do you get if you put four economists in a white room and ask them what colour the walls are? Four different answers"

"How does the Pope pay for things online? Papal"