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Joke of the Day

"I miss the old days when I could say I wasn't around and you couldn't check Facebook or twitter to see if I was lying"

"My wife has a memory like an elephant I just wish she didn't look like one"

"Mitt Romney dissing Trump is like when an anime villain from the previous arc teams up to help stop the new billion times more evil villain"

"A woman called me sexist the other day. Silly women, I hate ALL black people equally."

"My girlfriend is like my iPad i don't have an iPad."

"Why do so many Italian men wear mustaches? So they can look like their mothers."

"My cat just told me to stop talking during the movie. Maybe homemade psychedelics were a bad idea"

"What do Mormons say when they go to the strip club? Do they come in bulk?"

"Sometimes all you need, is 500 million dollars."

"I can remember my first day at school The teacher looked at me during register and asked, ""Are you chewing?"" I said, ""No, chewing is probably one of the foreign kids, my name is David."""