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Joke of the Day

"Job security: calling my boss and posing as a problematic customer so he'll realize he still needs me while I'm on vacation."

"Why are New Yorkers so depressed? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey."

"It seems to be true, particularly in middle America, that those most militant about using up fossil fuels, don't actually believe in fossils"

"I finally found a girl with the same beliefs as my family She believes I'll amount to nothing as well."

"Do you know what happened in the bathroom? Me either, but I heard a lot of shit going down."

"I'll tell you a gay joke, butt fuck it. (yeah yeah the joke is old, so am I)"

"If I had a dollar for every woman that found me unattractive... I'd use it to buy some rental properties and try to invest some in the market."

"Honk all you want, but if I don't eat these donuts at this green light I'll have to share them at home."

"I call my glasses... I call my glasses congress because they are old and crooked."

"If you try to rip somebody's head off, I suggest you train for it first. If you don't succeed it makes the following few minutes awkward."