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Joke of the Day

"What do you call an ugly Spanish chemist? Iron Oxide"

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"My ex girlfriend had a really weird fetish... She would dress like herself and act like a fucking bitch all the time."
"A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of..."
"*plugs my phone in to charge when it's at 80%* *lets the low battery warning on my fire alarm beep for 6 months*"
"Why did the one handed man cross the road? To get toThe second hand shop."
"My gf told me that I punched her in the face while I was sleeping last night. I apologized because I totally remember being awake for that."
"What's the difference between a hockey player and a French woman? Hockey players shower after three periods."
"What do you call a pastry with an English degree? A synonym roll"
"""Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you've been wearing the same outfit all week is you"" - my fashion blog"
"If u drink the blue liquid from a Magic 8-Ball u can see the future trust me my friend Keith did once & said he was gonna die & then he did"