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Joke of the Day

"What's red, white, and full of holes? Helen Keller's face after she tries to use a fork."

"I'm proud of myself- I just finished a jigsaw puzzle and it only took me 6 months! The box said 2-4 years!"

"Why do cemeteries have fences? People are just dying to get in."

"Dream carefully, because dreams come true."

"Trump should have called his rally in Chicago a ""job fair"" non of the protesters would've been there"

"Me: That tree is impeckable ""Don't you mean impeccable?"" *cut to woodpecker with a broken beak* Me: No. Also how did you pick up on that?"

"Girls quote Marilyn Monroe relationship and life advice so much its almost like she wasn't a three time divorced, drug-addicted alcoholic."

"BoyFriend: Why didn't you give me anything for my birthday? GirlFriend: You told me to surprise you."

"I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months! - I don't like to interrupt her."

"So I taught my Grandad how to use skype ... Only problem is, I can never tell if it's just buffering or if he's having a stroke."