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Joke of the Day

"My pubic hair trimming business will limit itself to female customers for the first few months. I'm new to this, so I don't want to go nuts right away."

"If you're stuck in the wild, rub two mozzarella sticks together to start a pizza."

"A new thought from Anton Belvedere Q: What did I say to Queen Amidala on Mardis Gras? A: Show me your Naboobs!"

"My mate wears the same jacket when he's impersonating either Matt Damon or Hugh Jackman. Maybe he's Bourne with it, maybe it's Wolverine."

"People should look like their personalities."

"Do mermaids clean the sea or how does that work?"

"What's long, hard and covered in blood? The Boston Marathon!"

"How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb? I don't know, but it's at least 6, because my basement is still dark!!"

"Boy, I hate small talk. *coworkers all grimace* He's right behind me isn't he? *Small talk starts cracking his knuckles*"

"What do you call immigrants in Sweden? Swede-ish"