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Joke of the Day

"Facebook needs a button that's the equivalent of kicking someone under the table to stop them from making a fool of themselves."

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"Why do aliens always disembark via ramp? Do they have problems with stairs? Or are flying saucers just handicap-accessible?"
"What do you do if an elephant comes through your front door? Swim towards a window"
"It's like my whole life is just one horrendous karaoke song choice after another."
"Here in Britain, we've got May & Hammond in the Government now - All we need is Clarkson and we've got Top Gear back again."
"How many contortionists fit in the trunk of a regular sedan? Depends on the size of the pieces."
"Of course I can tweet, talk on the phone, eat a hamburger, and apply my lipstick. I'm only driving, you know."
"I can't let my girlfriend leave me I'd lose a hand"
"""Go ahead caller"" Why radio DJ's should never work a suicide hotline..."
"A rapist, a con-artist and a fascist walk into a bar... The bartender says 'What'll it be Mr President?'"