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Joke of the Day

"Remember before Amazon reviews when you could just buy a toothbrush without 6 hours of research?"

"[cruising down highway in friend's car with windows down] me: [opens bag of glitter]"

"If 50 Shades of Grey were in the NFL... ...it'd be on the Commissioner's Exempt list."

"Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician? A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts."

"Umm, when someone posts that they're having a bad day, I don't think it's proper Facebook etiquette to ""like"" their status."

"Wore my hair in a ponytail to Walmart and 4 people asked me to defend them in Drug Possession Cases. Court starts Monday."

"The best revenge is to kidnap your enemy, tie him up, then pop bubble wrap in front of him and make him watch."

"There was a recent study that tried to pinpoint the effect that alcohol has on walking... the result was staggering."

"Nipples are so helpful and thoughtful with the whole 'tell everyone how cold I am' thing."

"What's the difference between your wife and your job? Job still sucks after 5 years."