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Joke of the Day

"I don't like the Powerballs....only one person ever wins, is what I told my dad after he asked whether or not he was hurting me."

"Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy."

"Why a pirate could not spell iris? He had only one 'i'"

"Why was the Muslim arrested for speeding during Ramadan? Because he was going *to fast*!"

"I like my wine like I like my girls... Eight to ten years old, and kept in my cellar."

"[interviewing cave bat] me: any disadvantages to hanging upside down? Bat: [pee rolling down his face] Yes, one."

"Just dyed a bald eagle red, white & blue & forced my family to eat 3 apple pies each. We're all crying. It's awesome."

"Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side!"

"Guy asks his girlfriend to tell him something that will make him happy and sad at the same time. She thinks for a few seconds and replies.... Your penis is bigger than your father's."

"'Come over,' she begged. 'I need you right now!' 'Just turn it off and on again,' he sighed. He hated these late night rebooty calls."