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Joke of the Day

"So this smoke detector is trying to tell me the battery is so dangerously low that it can only beep 4000 times?"

"What do you call a midget fortune teller running from the police? A small medium at large."

"MEL GIBSON: HE'LL ONLY HIT YOU IF YOU FUCKING DESERVE IT. THAT'S THE MEL GIBSON PROMISE."

"Once upon a time there were five apples Which was the cowboy? None - because they were all redskins."

"My brother started making terrible bird puns to annoy me... But toucan play at that game"

"""Daddy, how do stars die?"" ""Why do you ask, Sun?"""

"I kicked a French guy in the balls... Once, I kicked a French guy in the balls. As he clutched his groin and sank to the floor, he whispered in pain, ""wee wee"". So I kicked him again."

"Recently joined the mile high club sandwich. That's when you have sex on a plane, and it's with a sandwich"

"If I had any self control I'd probably eat that too."

"What's worse than having a screaming child on your hands? Having half a screaming child on your hands."