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Joke of the Day

"My daughter was whining about her chores. She asked if she needed to vacuum the whole apartment. I said, ""no, just do the floor."""

Next Joke
 
"If I can't stand on a counter top display at Home Depot and shit in the sink then we are truly living in a fascist society."
"What do you call a stupid ant? Antwerp."
"Facebook is in a relationship with the stock market and it's complicated."
"Knock, Knock..."
"I find myself addicted to this website just like my Father before me. Guess why that is? It's He*reddit*tary."
"If God didn't want us to jack off he would have... ...given us shorter arms"
"What do you call a book club that hasn't changed their book in a thousand years? Church"
"To all newly married guys..... If you screw up Valentine's Day, you'll be celebrating Palm Sunday for a long time."
"*loads dryer* Fitted Sheet: HE'S BURNING US ALIVE! COME, SHIRT! COME, PANTS! HOP IN MY BOSOM AND I WILL FORM A PROTECTIVE BALL OF MOISTURE!"