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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick? Hockey players shower after three periods.."

"I don't eat cats and dogs. Dogs are cute and I'm allergic to cats. *my lawyer leans in and whispers in my ear* Cats are also cute."

"I've just ordered a procrastinating blowup doll with real orgasm effect It's coming tomorrow"

"Set a fire for a man and you'll keep him warm for an hour... ...set a man on fire, and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life."

"Past employers have described me as ""selfish, egotistic, condescending, the physical manifestation of capitalism, and a true sweetheart."""

"Every year my wife buys me Christmas gifts I didn't ask for. Why would I need this many books about foreplay?"

"What do you call a German with a bad attitude? Sauerkraut."

"What do a good joke and a child with cancer have in common? They never get old."

"How do you turn an old dishwasher into a snowblower? You give her a shovel and tell her to get to work."

"What are OJ Simpsons' favorite keys on a keyboard? / \ Esc"