45031

Joke of the Day

"I'm going as ""Twitter Elite"" for Halloween. I'm going to randomly say unfunny things and not talk to anyone who speaks to me."

"A White House aide tells Donald Trump that one hundred people will attend his next event. ""A hundred thousand people?"" Trump asks, ""Do we even have enough room for 1.5 million people?"""

"I really thought Monica Lewinsky should be on a dollar.. but she's already had her face on a Bill."

"When I die I want the people I did group work with to lower me into my grave So they can let me down one last time"

"What do you call the concentration camp prisoners who kept pestering the guards with questions? Askanazi Jews"

"Autocorrect just changed faux pas to faux pasta and this gluten war has gotten out of hand."

"How do astronauts make a party? They plan-et."

"During a recent study, almost 95% of participants preferred exercise to sex. Because they all ran away when I offered."

"if you want a woman to settle down with you be a cat"

"Who pushed the neonate out an endometrium? Your mom."