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Joke of the Day
"Fruit: often disappointing. Salad: always disappointing. Fruit salad: meets expectations."
Next Joke
"a bunch of people at a school dance waiting to get a drink that's it. that's the punch line"
"[Asking someone out] Um...so do you want to come to my exorcism next week?"
"Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their doors."
"You can make jokes about anything, just not mexicans That's crossing the border."
"Note to Self: In future interviews, don't say ""Safe in your strong arms"" when the employer asks where I see myself in 5 years."
"Why do I wash my clothes in TIDE? ... because it's too cold out-tide."
"What do you call three Pokemon nerds having a circle jerk. Dugtrio"
"Me: Do you want dinner? BF:sure, what are my choices? Me:yes or no."
"How many bottles of beer does it take to kill someone? One, if you throw it hard enough."