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Joke of the Day
"Me: *breathes"" My parents: you need to watch that attitude young man."
Next Joke
"A policeman just knocked on the door. He said, ""It looks like your wife has been in an accident..."" I said ""Yes but she has a great personality!"""
"*bumps into cute girl while typing on calculator* oops! got a bit carried away inventorying my lizards *makes sure she sees the 99999999999*"
"If you're a vegan who ran a marathon & you got your dogs from the shelter.... How do you decide which thing to wedge into the conversation first?"
"What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman? Mick Jagger screams ""Hey, you! Get off of my cloud!"" A Scotsman screams ""Hey, McCloud! Get off of my ewe!"""
"*Crime Scene Cop: (cuffs the dog) Detective: what the hell are you doing? Cop: Sir, I think we're dealing with a shapeshifter"
"What did the lower case ""o"" say to the capital ""O""? You whore."
"Saw a really stunning cute girl in Thailand on the bus, couldn't stop looking. I thought ""please don't get a boner, please don't get a boner..."" But she did."
"What did the slab of meat say when it was covered in salt and left out to dry? ""I'm cured!"""
"What did the whistleblower say after the blizzard in Russia? I'm Snowden!"