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Joke of the Day

"Does anyone else have a girlfriend great enough to tell them that they have herpes? Well, me neither"

"I'm out of tweets so I'm recycling some of my most dope MySpace status updates."

"optimists don't jack off... ...they jack on"

"My favorite machine at the gym is the water fountain."

"""It's not about who's right or wrong."" ~ The person that is wrong"

"Where does bad light end up? In a prism."

"The squirrels on campus are getting bold. I was eating a pop tart outside and a squirrel came over and stole my credit card information"

"What's the difference between a slice of toast and the French? You can make soldiers out of a slice of toast."

"Where do you put a badly behaved spaceman? On the astronaughty step."

"I once farted in an Apple Store... I once farted in an Apple Store. They got mad at me and I said it's your fault, you don't have windows"