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Joke of the Day

"I'm simultaneously drinking Starbucks and a Monster, in case I need to do something extreme and be a snob about it, within the next 30 min."

"What does Mrs Claus say to Santa when he's not spending enough time with her? You're getting too wrapped up in your work!"

"Why don't you put eggs in a microwave? Because they eggsplode. :D"

"How do you get down off of an elephant? You don't, you get down off of a duck."

"I bought myself one of those ""off road vehicles"" last week... Paid $3000 for it, got it home and found out it was a Canoe!!!"

"Need help with your math homework? Visit mcdonalds.com/careers"

"What is the difference between a chihuahua humping your leg and a pit bull humping your leg? The pit bull gets to finish."

"Doctor said I had kidney failure. I asked ""How can that be? I am an adult, I have adult knees."""

"Q: What did one hat say to the other hat? A: You stay here. I'll go on a head."

"Most of life is waiting for whatever you're at to be over."