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Joke of the Day

"You didn't come here to be insulted? Why? Where do you usually go?"

"What's the definition of perfect pitch? Throwing a banjo into a dumpster and hitting an accordion with it."

"This is an ugly term. This ""Stalker"". I prefer unpaid investigator."

"Daddy, can I have another cup of water? ""Sure, son. But it's your 12th cup tonight..."" ""I know, the baby's room is still on fire."""

"Went to the doctors yesterday and was told I have to stop masturbating, Apparently it was upsetting the other people in the waiting room"

"Why did Saddam Hussein never have sex? ....because he was afraid he'd see Bush."

"What kind of birds go to church every Sunday? Birds of Pray"

"I heard my idiot friend talk about inequality the other day and I couldn't help but draw some parallels. :)"

"SOUND GUY: [taps microphone] this is a test, testing, testing...1, 2, 3.. MICROPHONE: [sweatig profusley] OH GOD, UH. FOUR?!! FOUR, IS IT FOUR"

"*hands you a marijuana* ""This one's called Air Bud. It'll make you play basketball. Also it might turn you into a golden retriever."""