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Joke of the Day

"Why did The Walrus go to a Tupperware party? He wanted to find a tight seal."

"Q: What happens to an air conditioner when you pull its plug? A: It loses its cool."

"My dick was in the book of ""Guiness World Records"" once ... ... until the librarian caught me and decided to throw me out"

"Our culture is like a fungus. It's fucking disgusting but it grows on you."

"Why can't you hear pterodactyls go to the bathroom? Because dinosaurs went extinct 65 million years ago."

"How can you tell if your goose is depressed? It's feeling down."

"Nobody showed up for my Time Traveler-themed New Year's party I guess I shouldn't bother with sending the invitations next week after all."

"What do you call a short, round-bellied Salarian? Mordin Volus"

"I hid a spare key outside my house in a fake rock, then hid that under thousands of fake rocks filled with fake keys. Your move, burglars..."

"If I were a DJ, I think the best part of the job would be making people sorry that they hired me"