43094

Joke of the Day

"Him: ""Do you want to cuddle?"" Me: ""Yeah, let me call the dog."""

"There's nothing more deceitful than the word ""booby trap""."

"If you get angry, just take deep breaths and count to ten. Unless you're angry about oxygen and numbers."

"Somebody told me I need to give my new Smart Car a name. So I called it 'Octomom' because even though I can technically fit 8 people in there, it doesn't mean it's a good idea."

"I play in the band I play the circle, it used to be the triangle but I beat the fuck out of it"

"What's the difference between donald trump and a bucket of shit? the bucket"

"The butcher is introducing his wife to some friends... so he says ""Meet Patty!"""

"What happens when you put the energizer bunny's battery's in backwards? He keeps coming and coming and coming."

"ME: I'VE BEEN SHOT TAYLOR SWIFT: Aw here are some band aids ME: THOSE DON'T FIX BULLETHOLES TS: *picks up guitar* ...brb ME: I'M STILL DYING"

"Whats the difference between Harambe and a African child? People give a shit about Harambe"