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Joke of the Day

"My boss asked if he dropped his watch in the toilet Because I was shitting on his time And joke creds to him. I was also fresh out of witty comebacks..."

"Dating. I met my wife at a Singles Bar. Funny thing is, I thought she was at home looking after the kids."

"I put a ruler under my bed every night... so that I can measure how long I slept for"

"Why don't they let Pakistanis take corners in soccer? Because they'll set up a shop."

"What do you call a fat female assassin? A killer whale."

"Scientists say the average size of the male penis has gone down to 5 inches. This just shows how big the Asian population is getting."

"Back in the day, I took $5 to the store and came out with.. 3 bags of chips, a pack of snickers, 2 bottles of coke, a newspaper and a bottle of whisky. And today? CCTVs everywhere!"

"Why is it better to be fat than skinny? Because the pros LITERALLY outweigh the cons!"

"What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? Dubai doesn't like the flintstones, but the people of Abu Dhabi doo"

"[fans out the deck] Pick a card, any card.. Memorize it.. [hits you in the face with a shovel] KING OF SPADES! [walks off]"