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Joke of the Day

"What did the programmer call his ship? Sea++"

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"I spent this past weekend baby-proofing my house... I'm not having a baby, but I hung up a bunch of anime posters to make sure that I never do."
"Why does Donald Trump love all colors? He heard all colors add up to white."
"What happened to King Midas after he facepalm'd? He turned into Donald Trump."
"Mike: I'm really glad I wasn't born in France. Jim: Why? Mike: I can't speak French."
"One time I wore my brother's t-shirt, and my dad asked if I was dressing up as his favorite child for Halloween."
"Sooo when my husband became a pool man I really thought the sex would get immediately better"
"Actual Critic Armani blazer: 20k Gucci shoes: 15k Tag Heuer watch: 50k Friend meets you and says ""Looking Idiot"" - Priceless"
"Original Yo Momma? (I think, please verify) Yo mommas so fat, shes being traded on the oil futures market!"
"Why was the paper man sent to jail? He was caught rustling."