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Joke of the Day

"I just can't stop making dad jokes! I don't know how much father I can go...."

"I wish I had the confidence in humanity that Guinness had when they bought a 9,000 year lease."

"What did the pro bono plastic surgeon say to their patient on Dec 31st? Happy new ears Eve!"

"I thinks it cool when X girlfriend becomes XL girldfriend."

"What does it take to be a president of Russia? Be a Viktor, then you are Devinitely In"

"Knock knock! Who's there? Hamlet. Hamlet, who? I can't decide."

"- ""I love Beyonce... - Whatever floats your boat mate. - No, you're thinking of 'buoyancy'. - ..."""

"I wish the dude that jogs around my neighborhood all day would wear a Super Mario costume. And occasionally duck into sewers."

"If I was smarter I'd make my social network passwords impossible to type when drunk."

"Call me self-indulgent, but I only stay in motels that advertise ""color TV"" and ""air-conditioning"" on their sign out front."