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Joke of the Day

"Easiest way to break into a moble home in a trailer park is to use a can opener."

"Nice try, horror movies, but the scariest thing I've ever seen is still a 4-year-old holding a sharpie without the cap."

"Just got a call from the head of Twitter (Paul Twitter). He says great opinions everyone, he's looking forward to more opinions tomorrow."

"I lost my virginity last week But it's fine. Turns out it was just between the couch cushions."

"Why do Jewish men get circumcised as youth. Jewish women won't touch anything that's not at least 10% off."

"'It's a pity you've gone on hunger strike' said the convict's girlfriend on visiting day. 'Why ?' 'I've put a file in your cake.'"

"My tree went missing..... so I took a picture of it and nailed it to a dog."

"The truck in front of me is hauling a fridge. Freezer just flew open and a chicken nugget hit my windshield. Day. Made."

"DOCTOR: At a guess, how much alcohol do you drink in a day? ME: Hardly any D: That's excellent ME [swigs vodka] But I'm a terrible guesser"

"What can think the unthinkable? An itheberg."