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Joke of the Day

"After my fourth failed relationship, my friend tells me 'keep your head up, these girls come and go, but you'll find someone for you', but deep down i know... Girls don't just come and go... I do."

"Hey kids, for Halloween, let's go to a spooooky place full of scaaaary, oppressive people & a guy who riiiises from the dead! Kids: Church?"

"Everyone's awkward shines a little brighter on an elevator."

"The thing about boats... If we don't bow, everyone gets stern."

"Here's one for the photographers of reddit Why was the photo of a wheat field rejected from Alamy? A=It had too much grain"

"When I explained Twitter to my mother she said, ""Sounds like group therapy where no one's getting better."" Well played, Mom. Well played."

"Why did the staff party go to jail? Because they were in treble."

"What do you call a man who cuts down trees? A tree feller."

"I patented the time machine But the judge keeps throwing it out based on prior art"

"Old people smell weird because They are surrounded by hundreds upon thousands of skin cells that have fallen off of their bodies over the years. Dead... Like all of their friends..."