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Joke of the Day

"We have all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true."

"If you ever want to catch a white person, just set a table outside a restaurant in the summertime."

"""someday this will all be yours"" I say to my dogs, waving my arms wildly across a half empty plate of mexican food"

"What type of drugs do ducks use? What type of drugs to ducks use? Quack cocaine."

"I am absolutely exhausted from my French self-defense class. I've never run so far in my life."

"what do goats and humans have in common? Their kids are nice and tender."

"How do chickens connect online? faceBAWK!"

"How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like a choir boy"

"If a 92 year old woman hooks up with a seventy five year old man. She's no longer considered a couger. That's a saber tooth."

"*replies to all sexy dms with pics of my laundry pile"