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Joke of the Day

"A guy and his girlfriend are talking Her: Come over. Him: I'm coming over. Her: We should stop using walkie talkies in bed, over."

"What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed? Sleep on the sofa."

"Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp? He opened a warehouse."

"I feel sorry for the wasted sperm Some of them turn out stupid, run for President and win."

"do you know why the chameleon couldn't change colors? he has a reptile dysfunction"

"Two peanuts were walking down the street... And one was a salted"

"What is the difference between a trampoline and a baby? A trampoline doesn't look adorable in a sailor outfit"

"[Heaven] Saint Peter: Welcome to the pearly gates! You're here early; you must be dying to get in! LOL Me: Too soon..."

"Why couldn't Marco Rubio register on a web forum? The website required him to prove that he is not a robot."

"I think next time I'll go ahead and press ""2"" for Spanish. Maybe I'll actually get someone who speaks English better than the person on the ""English"" line."