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Joke of the Day

"I stopped fighting my inner demons; We're totes BFFs now."

"How do you have a party in space? you Planet!"

"I'm not sure about my stand on the abortion issue.... On one side, I love to kill babies but on the other side, I hate to give women a choice."

"What do you call a 350 pound stripper? Broke"

"I haven't said a word to my wife in years. She hates to be interrupted..."

"Yeah, I'm majoring in math. Then when I graduate I'll get a job down at the math factory. Maybe even work my way up to CEO of math one day."

"People just said ""go to the gym"" they never mentioned that you have to actually do things when you get there I've been doing this so wrong."

"Why are locomotive drivers so good at driving locomotives? Because they were trained."

"SCIENTIST: it's both man and machine ME: what's it called? S: I call it a cyborg M: I would have went with manchine S: *crushes test tube*"

"What do you get when you cross a fish with no eyes? PETA"