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Joke of the Day

"I asked my soap who it voted for, it said... I'd lather not say! note: This one came to me in the shower just now, gotta go back in now. Oh, the irony! I think. ~Skip"

"[On phone with Pizza Hut] Me: I texted my order 4 hrs ago! PH: Are you sure you didn't tweet it...again? Me: PH: Sir? Me: K. Love you. Bye."

"I thought I was getting a car for christmas... turns out all I got was a toy Yoda"

"TIL it's impossible to stick your tongue out and look up at the same time Without looking like a twat"

"[at the gym] PERSONAL TRAINER: What kind of body do you want to have? ME: *leans in close* I'd prefer human"

"What do frozen beer, a burnt pizza, and a pregnant woman have in common? An idiot who forgot to take it out earlier."

"I support Trump on a number of issues, but the one thing I cannot get over is the wall heh"

"Do you know why they call it a raspberry pi 2? Because when you see it you'll turn 2 pi radians and walk away."

"I love how you can tell how slutty a girl is by the size of her hoop earrings."

"Half the time, I just want to respond to an ELI5 thread with ""I'll tell you when you're older."""