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Joke of the Day

"When I'm at the pool, hopefully girls see the scratches on my body and assume I'm a great lover, and not that I enjoy giving cats piggybacks"

"Like ""dollar,"" ""euro"" is not capitalized. Unlike a dollar, a euro can actually buy you something."

"What do you call a black man flying a plane? A nigga, you occupationalist!"

"I told my wife I love her like a Brit loves soccer... She looked worried and said, ""So you're going to get drunk and yell at me?"" EDIT: correcting auto-correct."

"I named my eraser Confidence It gets smaller every time I make a mistake."

"""ranch goes with everything"" i whisper while placing a bottle of ranch in grandma's coffin"

"What do you call an Austrian woman's undergarments? A Freudian Slip."

"What did the butcher say when he handed his customer an empty pack of hotdogs on halloween? Happy halloweenie"

"My girlfriend has the hottest ass in the world. Me"

"The installers put down my new hardwood really quickly. They floored it. (Was the reply when I told a friend that the installers were almost done)"