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Joke of the Day

"""to my son, i leave my bathroom scale"" the lawyer sighs ""because where theres a will, theres a weigh. to my wife, i leave my last high five"""

"Why couldn't the physicists change the lightbulb? Too much work."

"I'm not feeling myself today ... would you do it for me?"

"Gay jokes aren't funny Cum on guys"

"I'll take Manly Men for $500, Alex. ""Answer. These booklets of pages are a pointless waste of time."" What are instructions? ""Correct."""

"I jumped into the pool with my iPhone.... It's syncing now"

"I'm at work for another hour and my phone's at 14%. If I don't make it to the end of the day, tell all my friends, ""Not much u"""

"I wish my x was raised in the power of 2. Then she'd always be positive."

"What tribe is your bicep from?"

"Cows What do you call a cow on no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow on three legs? Tri-Tip. What do you call a cow on two legs? Your mom."