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Joke of the Day

"Bad weather is My way of temporarily punishing you. Bad climate is your way of permanently punishing you."

"Sorry ISIS but we already have a religious state that nobody likes and is full of people that hate modern thinking: it's called Kansas."

"I have an apathy problem. But it's okay because I don't care."

"How can you tell if someone does crossfit? Don't worry, they'll tell you."

"[PetSmart] *approaches checkout with bird seed* ""that all for you today?"" Yes. How long does it usually take? ""For what?"" For them to grow"

"*Draws happy eyebrows on my dog*"

"My I.Q. goes from 125 to about 14 when there's a hot girl around."

"If I found out I only had a week to live, and could go anywhere in the world, I think I'd go to the hospital because that sounds serious."

"Women are like roaches Very hard to approach, but make a satisfying crunch when you smash them. Wait what"

"Did you hear about the corduroy pillow? It's making head lines...."