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Joke of the Day

"TIL theres a supermoon on the 14th. ELI5: If it's so super, why doesn't it fly around in the sky? Oh, right... because it got paralyzed and died."

"If you see me with a water bottle, there's probably vodka in it"

"If good things come in small packages, then more good things can come in large packages."

"Light a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life"

"My girlfriend and I use ""laundry"" as a code-word for sex. Her dad asked me why I couldn't do the laundry by myself so I told him ""it's a big load""."

"I found out today it's OK to date a nun.... You just can't get in the habit!"

"Dead baby joke What's the difference between a dead baby and mistletoe? I don't hang mistletoe at Christmas time"

"I lost 50 pounds in two days Im never playing poker again"

"Nuff said? No seriously, what did Nuff say?"

"Why does Oedipus hate profanity? He kisses his mother with that mouth."