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Joke of the Day

"Flight to Vegas...guy in front of me has a bouquet made up of dollar bills. Pro Tip: That stripper will never marry you bro."

"I just bought a new weed whacker. It's cutting-hedge technology."

"BREAKING NEWS: BLIND MAN HAS BEEN SHOT He didn't even see it coming."

"[office] BUSINESS SNAKE: [dictating a letter] SECRETARY: [just hammering the S key]"

"I have the talent of getting tired without doing nothing."

"People just said ""go to the gym"" they never mentioned that you have to actually do things when you get there I've been doing this so wrong."

"Hell is filled with news anchors tapping stacks of papers on desks and engaging in lighthearted end-of-broadcast banter."

"""Mr. President, two Brazilian soldiers were killed yesterday in Iraq."" ""Oh my god... How many is a Brazilian?"""

"What has blonde hair, blue eyes and tends to ailed animals? A VeterinArian."

"I don't often tell sailor jokes But when I do they are usually salty."