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Joke of the Day

"I told my doctor i was scared and nervous when i got tested for HIV... He said 'Just calm down and try to think positive.'"

"Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up."

"I bought a wash basin from a skydiver today. And tomorrow he's going to *plummet* in for me."

"How do you confuse an idiot? 44"

"""Dude, you left your virginity here"" ""Oh wait you never lost it"""

"Why are radios cheaper in Scotland? Because the boxes are battered and and the speakers are fried."

"A marathon runner walks into a bar.. The bartender says why the long race?"

"What is the difference between a Windows Phone and a brick? One is a brick and the other is a brick with a screen"

"Men are like mini skirts. If you're not careful they'll creep up your legs."

"That awkward moment when people text you first and then don't keep the conversation going."