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Joke of the Day

"[Calls boss] I'm gonna be late... ""How late?"" *Cut to me trapped inside a tiny house made from Lego* I've no idea to be honest with you..."

"I'm not a fan of stupid conspiracy theories, but I'm fully aware that Governments slow down time on weekdays & speed it up on weekends."

"I have the body of a 25 year old supermodel, but it takes up too much space in my freezer."

"I'm so sick of all the Irish stereotypes... As soon as I put down this beer, I'm going to punch someone!"

"Why don't old men like old women? Ever tried to peel apart a grilled cheese sandwich?"

"What the difference between Bernie Sanders and a piece of fruit? Pieces of fruit actually get picked for something."

"My grandfather never forgave the Japanese for Pearl Harbor... ...until I explained to him that it was the Americans who made that movie."

"Have you seen Stevie Wonder's wife? Because he hasn't."

"What's the best part about going to a holocaust museum? Free fap material"

"My friend can only masturbate when he listens to really bad music. Beats off."