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Joke of the Day

"When grammar nazis correct me, I start to make errors on purpose to mess with them. You can say I'm passive, aggressive."

"If Crunch Berries aren't considered fresh fruit I don't think this diet is going to work out."

"Wife: Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite! Me: Haha funny. [under the mattress] Bed Bug King: TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL *tiny drums bang*"

"I am conducting a survey to see who is the most awesome person on Facebook. To find out who it is read the first two words of this status."

"Have you tried Gatorade's newest sports drink, F5? It's very refreshing"

"A penguin walks into a bar... He goes up to the barman and says, ""Have you seen my father in here today?"" The barman says, ""I don't know, what does he look like?"""

"My friend texts ""ur"" instead of ""you're"" but puts extra letters in ""so"" because she's ""soooo happy."" This is why everyone hates you, Julie."

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Junkie Barbie ...complete with needle tracks"

"I just bought a tent with a toilet in it Shit's intense"

"I really like being a trophy husband. I just wish I wasn't a participation trophy."