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Joke of the Day

"So a guy calls into work and says, ""I can't come in today, I'm seeing spots."" ""Have you seen a doctor?"" ""No, just the spots."""

"My new dentist called me back in to make another mold of my teeth. Needless to say he made a terrible 1st impression."

"Describing a female colleague to your GF, saying ""you know, the hot blond"" is conducive to sofa sleeping."

"I have somewhere around 300 karma I intend to drop it to 0 by having human-like opinions on the wrong subreddits"

"No control I have no control. There is no escape. I don't even have a home. I think I should get a knew keyboard."

"To a struggling artist: ""Don't give up... ...the day job."""

"If I ever win the lottery, I'm going to share it with everyone. Not the money, just going to let you know that I've won."

"No lie: When the plane landed I had 9 texts and my 13yr old had 343."

"What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?"

"[god creatig god] GOD: make him omnipotent & onmipresent ANGEL: ok... GOD: and also provide no evidence he exists ANGEL: ru sure GOD: trust me"