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Joke of the Day
"Q: What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the water? A: Bob"
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"My maths teacher told me to draw a square. Instead I drew a circle. He said ""That's terrible, go and stand in the corner!"" I said ""where's that?"" *- Tim Vine*"
"My friend told me I was smart enough to be the next Isaac Newton... Well Newton died a lonely virgin so clearly I'm doing something right"
"took the kids to the park so they could beat each other up in the fresh air"
"How do you know you're wife is too fat? You're using Google maps to find her g spot..."
"Folks I'm seeing Trainwreck tomorrow night. Then after the GOP debate, I might go to the new Amy Schumer movie! Yeah, I went there"
"TIL I have big fingers or a small butthole."
"I called one of those numbers in the bathroom stall and my wife answered. Very funny guys."
"We should give the Nobel Peace Prize to the person who figures out how to clap while holding a drink at a concert."
"What is Alqueida's favorite football team? The New York Jets."