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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's okay, he woke up."

"I went jogging one time why am I not thin?"

"""DADDY THERE'S A MONSTER UNDER MY BED"" [me opening bedroom window] Wife: What are you doing? Me: *climbing out* ARE YOU COMING OR NOT?"

"You should be able to make your GPS call you a code name. ""Bobcat, in 3.1 miles turn left"" ""Recalculating, Bobcat, you're going rogue."""

"If you got tired of living, don't share your thoughts with all your friends they might not give you a chance to change your mind..."

"How thin do you have to be to go skinny dipping?"

"I wish life was like a bad hand of spades No Trumps . . . . . . . . . ...I'll see myself out."

"Why do Farts Smell so Bad? So the deaf can enjoy them too."

"What do you call the yellow ones? -Yellow labs. And the black ones? -Black labs. So the brown ones are- -No we named those after dog poison."

"People say I don't have what it takes Yeah, because every time I get it, it takes it."