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Joke of the Day

"Ever read a classic novel that really moves you? I feel that way about cheesecake."

"Perhaps Nicki Minaj just lost a series of bets."

"""Dude, we should swap spacesuits. Just for a laugh."" ""Ha, yeah ok."" [swaps suits] ""Now we sh-"" ""You took a shit in this, didn't you?"""

"Did you hear about the earthquake? There was a fault in Washington. It was Obama's!"

"I almost took a bite of my friend's sandwich Woops, wrong sub."

"The main reason I got divorced is because I got married."

"I Have plenty of girls who can suck, I'm looking for the one who can blow my mind."

"Why did the Middle Eastern man not want his daughter to go on a date with a boy from school? He was afraid she would come home stoned."

"What has 40 teeth and holds a monster at bay? My zipper."

"I remember when I was a kid, at dinner my parents gave me a knife and fork, so I'd bang them on the table.. ..We were quite an incestuous family."