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Joke of the Day

"After realizing that I was living a boring, directionless, and empty life, I went to South Korea.. to go Seoul searching."

"""What's funny?"" The microwave beeping as you walked backwards. ""Why's that funny?"" Because large objects beep going in reverse, Diane."

"My friend's coming over, I've got to be careful... ...my house mates are crazy and he's allergic to nuts. *Yes indeed.*"

"Coolest jobs: 1)Beer maker 2)Secretary of War 3)Ninja 4)Guy who pushes scared skydivers"

"Shit's Creek is actually quite lovely when you bring paddles."

"Blood types They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type O."

"People claim they're into recycling, but just watch their faces when you rinse out a condom."

"Wife: ""Look. I haven't worn this in 8 years and it still fits."" Husband: ""For God's sake woman, it's a scarf!"""

"Why didn't Bruce Willis star in the movie ""Titanic""? Because he would've saved everybody."

"What do you call two gay Irishmen? Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald"